I’m telling myself to let go,
But let go of what?
Everything? My whole past?
Which doors must I shut
In order to be safe?
How much must I release
Before I can relearn
The path to peace?
Why am I back to this battlefield?
Would you think a garage
With his side blank and empty
Could bring on a barrage
So that I suddenly re-feel
The bullets of betrayal,
The smoking trail
Of tragedy like sniper fire
That rips the skin
And explodes within
My head and then
My heart?
A simple trip to the recycle bin
But when I turned, I fell
Into the old emptiness within,
As I saw the emptiness of his side,
That newly noticed space,
And I stared at the dusty inside
Of the garage door,
And on it a black strip of tape.
This is what caused the uproar,
The new downpour,
The memory war:
A strip of black tape,
Black tape to ease the scrape.
He put the tape there.
He always tried to park his car
Far back where
His car would not bar
The opening of our house door.
Usually, he would hit his mark close
And then the garage door
Would come down and close
Clearing his car just right.
But sometimes he might
Not be pulled in so tight.
The garage door would clatter
Down and scrape itself shut
Along his black car bumper.
The tape was to ease the scrape.
Black tape to ease the scrape.
Where’s the tape to ease my soul,
To help me escape so I can reshape
My life and adjust to my new role?
A door of severance is coming down,
Scraping my edge, scarring my surface,
Driving me back to a breakdown,
Blinded by rain’s raging and rusting embrace.
What we love, we will protect.
He took trouble not to damage his bumper.
With me he showed no such respect.
I was just a forgotten, former
Lover, who must feel once more
How much he did not care
For me his wife and for our son before
He left us in poverty and despair.
Say he was fire, but not that I was water.
Wasn’t I good at gath’ring wood, paying
A paper bill so there would be the starter?
I would not see the signs his smoke was saying.
The story told by his look of anger I denied.
He burns now in foreign sun that shines on earth
That’s not his own. His heart of heat once lived beside
The one who understood love’s worth.
Pollute of smoke. A sign unseen. Renewal.
Water puts out fire, but I’m still bringing fuel.
